The Viral Golden Egg Post

I've been watching the numbers on our blog lately, and something has become sadly apparent to me: Mike whores out his posts. He's like a name-dropping word pimp, and when he's feeling like no one is paying attention to him, he buys himself a new blingy medallion by talking about his famous friends. And then his posts go apeshit! Hundreds of people read them -  HUNDREDS! That's like...how many people used to read our blog when we first started it...compared to the couple of dozen now. So you know what? I'm not above admitting jealousy, or snaking ideas from those obviously smarter and more skilled than me.

Mike: Aw dang! I want that one on the left!
I'd better write about Scott Keneally, fast!

I started thinking about who I could use to achieve my own fame. The obvious choices would of course be Scott Keneally or Tod Brilliant, because everything they touch turns to gold.

Unfortunately, Scott doesn't know who I am, despite the fact that we've met and have had face-to-face interactions no less than four times, each of which starts with a re-introduction and reminder of who I am and how he knows me. Well, one time he caught me off-guard by giving me a nice hug. He was all "hey!!" and seemed genuinely pleased to see me - until he realized I wasn't the person he thought I was, and then he was all "oh. nevermind." So, he's not really an option.

Tod is actually a pretty cool guy - he humored me last year by letting me be part of one of his photo shoots, and he seems to know who I am when we bump into each other in public. I still make sure if I'm sending him an email or text to say who I am and how he knows me, just in case he's like "who the fuck?" when he reads it. "Hey Tod, is there any way I could get a pic from that photo shoot for my blog? Thanks - Amanda (Sprout)" But I don't know him quite well enough to use him to try to sell my blog to people.

The other night I ran into Steve Pile while Paulie and I were talking to John Courage at the KWTF event at the Arlene Francis Center. I'd been invited there by my friend, the totally famous, brilliant and beautiful writer Dani Burlison. I introduced Steve to Paulie, then hesitated and said "wait...do you know who I am?" He laughed and said, "yeah, of course, Taco Truck!" Hey, if Steve Pile claims to know me and thinks my name is Taco Truck, I'm cool with that. But I still can't really use him to gain readers, I don't know him well enough, either! (Side Note: he's building a music school in Africa, you should check out how to help).

I've gotten some halfway decent results when I've posted about my adventures with Scott Loveland, because that guy turns any boring Tuesday night into a Holy Mother of God What Just Happened night. And while he is legitimately an actual friend (the kind that calls at odd hours of the night, leaves long rambling messages, then doesn't remember doing so the next day), and I know him well enough to name drop, he's not all that famous. Except among the ladies, but that's not always a good thing....

My very good friend Chris Bryers is kind of famous...I'm friends with Brent and Amy from The Imaginists. My sweet friend Josie Gay seems to know everyone in the world, maybe I should use her?

I'm reaching here, but maybe Henry Nagle might let me use his name? I know the current Mr. Healdsburg, Chris Herrod...?

Fuck it. I guess I'll just have to come up with some other genius plan to get hundreds of people to read my posts. Like maybe start writing better. I could get involved in politics, I hear there's some stuff going on in that arena. I know kittens are super popular right now, and the last time I threatened to write about them, I think I remember someone really wanting me to do so. I just don't like cats all that much.

cuuuuuute!!

God I hope Scott Keneally says he likes this.