Friday, July 29, 2011

Those Cookies Got Tossed

So here's my story - recently divorced(ish), with these two great kids that I now see 50% of their lives of - as opposed to the 98% I got before. At first this completely killed me, but then I realized that I suddenly have all of this FREE time. Its incredible. I get to do things like eat sitting down; washing, drying and folding laundry all on the same day; drinking too much of Mike's homemade wine without having to worry about witnesses; and walking around in various states of dress without the tampon questions. "Its kind of like a band-aid...for my vagina!"

As a result, I am a much better parent. When my kids are with me I try to find fun things to do with them (*note: the main reason for this is that I now live in a fucking shoebox of an apartment and we tend to want to kill each other if we're inside for too long, but saying its for the sake of the kids' fun-level sounds way better). Some recent adventures we've had have included the Healdsburg Water Carnival, swimming at the Ridgeway Pool, playing in the sprinklers at the local school's playground, baking crazy-cheesy pizza and other fun crap.

Every once in a while, however, I can't think of anything to do, or I'm feeling kind of bleh, and we do stay in. Days like this usually end in tears all around, with my eldest child screaming "its like you HATE us or something!!" after I tell him that there is no way in hell that he will be getting a freshly-baked cookie (that we'd all just baked together) if he didn't stop screwing around and finish his spanikopita and lentils, right now!

No children got cookies that night.

Granted, I'm not winning any parenting awards in those cases, and I really do feel bad about it. But at least I didn't have any leftovers to deal with, and really, that's the most important lesson, right?
Growing up my Mom would feed us “Mom’s miracle meals” whereby she would conjure up dinner from a seemingly barren kitchen.  The miracle was that these meals could curb your appetite without even having to touch them.  Things like Wasa Crispbread with cottage cheese and water chestnuts, and for a “real treat” Cheerios in orange juice.  It was truly miraculous….but I think this might have something to do with the half-starved toddler I came home to last night.  My parents watched him yesterday and it’s not that they didn’t try to feed him…but I guess like me he’s what my Mom might describe as “picky”.  Luckily I had shells and cheese with hotdog in the arsenal which Liam inhaled and then immediately passed out…fork in hand.  I wish I had gotten a picture but I accidently woke him up when I checked his pulse BEFORE getting the camera (I’m a really good parent)