Seth Rogen Sighting!!

Seth Rogen

On Friday night Paulie and I had just checked into our hotel around the corner from the Eureka Theater, where I was due to perform at the San Francisco Improv Festival with some other Mortified folks. I know...I know...you're getting tired of hearing about how famous I am! I totally get it, you guys. Moving on.

The show didn't start until 11pm, so we had some time to kill and as we walked toward the elevators we chatted about the usual - what to eat and drink before the show - until I glanced toward the hotel entrance and there I saw...someone famous.

I kept my cool and looked away. Then looked again, caught his eye, looked away again. I wasn't going to have a geek-out episode with this guy like I'd had with every other celebrity I've ever met in my life - no way! This time I was going to keep it together. I glanced over my shoulder one more time and saw that he was heading toward the back of the lobby - I assumed toward the bar (celebrities and their booze, amiright?!). I wondered if he was in town for the Improv Festival? Of course he was! I was pretty sure he was a comedian! I wondered if he would be at the Mortified show? Oh my god! What if he came to the show! What if he saw my schtick and thought it was funny and decided he wanted to bring me into the fold of comedic actors in Hollywood and this was the night I was finally going to MAKE IT?!

When we stepped into the elevator I interrupted whatever Paul had been talking about that I, needless to say, hadn't heard a single word of because I'd been busy obsessing, and said "hey, that guy...who was walking into the hotel, did you see him? He's, like, he's...a comedian. He's...an actor or something. I can't think of his name! Who is that?"

"Yeah...yeah I saw him too. I know who you're talking about, who is that? I feel like I just saw him in something...."

"It was really hard for me not to geek out back there."

"Was it? You did good, baby." We bounced around ideas on who it could be, agreeing that we'd seen him recently in something. Paulie said "it's not Seth Rogen...is it? No, it's not him, but it's someone like him."

"Right! Yes, like was he in that movie we just saw about the apocalypse where there were a ton of little cameos? The one with Seth Rogen in it? Was he one of those guys?"

"Maybe...maybe...I don't think its him, though. I don't know."

As we were discussing this we'd arrived in our room, changed, and were heading back out for food. I, of course, wanted to go to the hotel bar so that we could 'casually' bump into Maybe-Seth-Rogen and therefore take a shortcut to my celebrity status, but when we arrived he was nowhere to be found and the place smelled like bleachy cajun-seasoned french fries, so we bailed. We settled on a pub across the street (maybe he's in there! said the fame-hungry voice in my head. Nope, he wasn't.)

Once at the theater, I started to say hello to the other performers. Mortified SF is super lucky because there's a highly talented and hilarious improv hip hop band called The Freeze that plays after every reader, making up a song on the spot about whatever was just read. It's a huge highlight of the show and they're a friendly, funny group of folks. 

And one of them was Not-Seth-Rogen.

Not Seth Rogen

As soon as I saw him I said "oh, jeez, it's just you!" Then to his puzzled look I started laughing and said "gaaah I thought you were famous!"

"Well, I--" he tried to say, but I interrupted him to relay the story about mistaking him for Maybe-Seth-Rogen. I felt pretty dumb because I'd just done Mortified with this guy (Opey, as it turns out) two short months ago. So to our credit yes, Paulie and I had seen him 'in something' recently - in the same exact goddam show as me!

I asked if he was staying at the hotel where we'd seen him. He grabbed his stomach and chuckled "no, no...I was just having a little problem, if you know what I mean."

"Oooooh, yeah, I--"

"--I mean I had to find a bathroom before I shit my pants!" He laughed a surprisingly quiet, modest laugh. "So no, I just went in there so I could find a place to poop." One of the other singers in the band, Lauren, added, "and cry," as if the two went hand in hand with this guy. Which I guess is pretty normal, right? It is in my bathroom, anyway.

"Yes," confirmed Opey while rubbing his stomach. "And I cried."

I don't know about you guys, but that disclosure made my whole freaking night and was waaaaay better than meeting some random, potentially career-making celebrity (shut up! A 'one-trick pony' girl can dream, can't she?!).

Speaking of dreaming...wouldn't it be fun if Opey and Seth Rogen had a Seth Rogen-off on the Mortified Stage during the Best of 2013 show in December? Yeah...I'm just sayin'. That would be rad.

Hey Seth Rogen! Since you were apparently too busy to show up to the one gig I was in for approximately 6 minutes really really late on a Friday night in San Francisco and therefore, somehow just by being there, make me...famous...(work with me here) I will allow you to make it up to me (and Opey, of course...poor guy had to stand there watching me laugh and laugh and laugh about him not being you) by coming to the Best of 2013 Mortified show, December 13th in San Francisco, December 14th in Oakland. BE THERE! And then I'll be happy, even if it doesn't propel me to fame.

I promise.