Sunday, October 9, 2011

I Love Men! (as with it)

Okay people, I give you good cheer pretty much every time I post on this blog of ours. I think I deserve to bitch and mope a bit, don't you? Because if not, then I need a little time before I can be funny again. I'm just not feelin' it.

Why, you ask? Well. I'll tell you.

Its old news that I got dumped by my husband of 10 years. Not so old news that I got dumped by my e-boyfriend (blog post forthcoming). Then someone adored me, but I wasn't ready for adoration, so I dumped him (for the record, that was really hard to do, and I still feel terrible about it). Then I took a deep breath, dove in, and adored someone, and he dumped me. So, as you can see, my track record is not so fabulous right now.

The Husband of my Friend recently asked me if I was beginning to think it was something about me, and not the guys. I hadn't exactly 'gone there' yet, but since he brought it up, I had to admit that yes, I do wonder what the heck is wrong with me. I mean, when I get enough sleep and wear makeup and clean clothes that fit, I look okay, I think. I don't take myself too seriously. I have a bawdy sense of humor. I have a job, at which I am my own boss. After 34 years I finally discovered that bedroom stuff is fantastic. I read a lot. I don't think I'm crazy (save the week or so of PMS, woooo! watch out). I can handle my own in social situations. I can easily entertain myself. I belong to a book club full of wonderful women with a variety of personalities, and I like them all. I get along well with men.

Oh. Wait. There it is: I get along with men.

Right, riiiiggggght. This is not always okay. Sometimes I forget that men and women are so terribly different - from different planets, in fact - we are actually not all just flailing human beings with the same or similar insecurities, hopes, agendas and grand schemes and dreams, and should therefore avoid socializing platonically with each other and only hang out when we intend to make out and/or procreate. I forgot that deeply ingrained rule. I'll admit that sometimes I am absentminded.

This sucks because I actually like a lot of men. Some of my oldest friends are men, in fact, and I'll be sad to let them go just so I can get a boyfriend to accept me for who I am. Or, who I will be, as soon as I dump my friends. Sorry Frank (friends since 2nd grade - shown, left), and Nayt (friends since 6th grade - shown, bottom right), Tony (friends since high school) and Adam, Jagen, Rich, Chris, Paul, etc etc etc etc (and lets not forget Mike). Sorry guys, but I didn't realize that its not okay to have you as friends. I've really appreciated your insight and perspectives over the years. I've survived off of your support when things got shitty, and loved all of the healing, gut-splitting laughter when things were really shitty. You thankfully taught me that there are some really, really good men in this world. You guys were the best, I mean it. You helped develop my soul and the person that I am today.

I'll miss you. But I know you understand, right? Because it was a guy who dumped me for having too many guys for, as guys yourselves, you're okay being dumped for being the guys that are my friends...right?

Oh, wait again. I may have done some pre-blog Feeling Sorry For Myself via email to a friend of mine. He has an amazing knack for reminding me of who I am, and how I got here. This is what he had to say today: get off your ass and stop moping. Think about how positive you have been lately. That wasn't because of someone else, that was because of you and what you have accomplished. You don't need anyone else to make you feel good about yourself. Besides, you've got a mirror, a divorce-diet body, and a hitachi... what else does a girl need?


So know what? I think I'll keep my friends. All of them. The girl ones, the boy ones. The new ones, the old ones. These people are part of me, of who I am, and fuck if I'm going to ditch them for some dude. Okay?

Okay. Just so we're clear.

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