Wednesday, October 19, 2011


An acquaintance of mine (I use the term 'acquaintance' loosely, as I honestly have no idea how I know this guy, but we are somehow facebook friends) informed me that when he told his sister that I have a picture of myself breastfeeding my baby, she told him to unfriend me. First of all: that picture is from like three years ago, so this guy is obviously a stalker and spent a good hour going through my photos. Which is totally fine. Second of all: what the hell, Sister Of This Guy? Seriously?

Maybe having breastfed primarily in Northern California, I forget that there are women out there that hate their boobs. Hey ladies! These things are awesome! I mean, do I really need to go in to all of the health and cost benefits here? Aside from that, whipping them out in public is so much fun!

I recently had dinner with Mike, Erin, Liam and the new baby, Finn. Can I just tell you how impressive Erin's boobs are right now?! And guess what? She's using them to feed her baby! Its completely free...and healthy! I can see how people hate the idea of this. Its disgraceful. She even had the nerve to feed Finn at the dinner table! While we were eating our dinner! Gross! I seriously wish she'd had the decency to at least take him into the bathroom.


(I'm assuming this was the offensive photo of me nourishing my wee babe)

I breastfed my babies in all kinds of public places, and never bothered with the whole cover-up thing. Why would I want to possibly suffocate them when they could enjoy the fine sunshine on their faces? I enjoyed exposing my glorious feedbags at any variety of venues - over sushi, at the brewery, at big-box stores while lounging in the patio furniture department, in the backseat of the car on road trips, my body awkwardly draped over the carseat with the plastic digging into my ribs as I dangled my gigantic breast over my son or daughter's screaming face until they smelled the sweet, sweet aroma of mama's milk and finally, enthusiastically, went to town on that stuff.

Here I am, feeding Evie in the Japanese Tea Gardens in San Francisco
...and in the South Korean Countryside

Did you know that breastmilk is also good for other things? Once my whole family got some crazy eye-goo infection, and all it took was a few rounds of me squirting them in the eyes with that magic medicine - viola! Let there be light! They were healed! I used to put it on cuts and scrapes, too. I know I may seem like a sophisticated, high-society kind of lady, but when it comes to breastmilk, I'm a bona fide hippie dipshit. I love that stuff. Its like duct tape - it can fix pretty much anything.
But what it all comes back around to is this: if you've never had the pleasure of being in close proximity to a lactating woman's breasts, you really don't know what you're missing out on. So if you want the full experience, get over your squeamish puritanical bullshit and give up your seat on the bus for that flustered mom and her crying little baby - you just might get a peek of her boob.

And you will never be the same.

This post is part of the 2011 Love Your Body Day Blog Carnival" linking to: