Parents with four or more kids befuddle me.
I can only assume that after parents have three offspring, they lose their minds. When they're mulling over whether or not to have another, dad says to mom "well, Billy can help with the baby" (i.e. ALL younger kids). Billy, as you may have guessed, is the theoretical Oldest Child in this theoretical Family. They say this because they remember what it's like to have a newborn baby and are scared as fuck to repeat the work part of that nonsense because, lets face it - it was really hard. The kind of hard that only a little kid can be tricked into doing.
This is why I stopped at two kids. I say calling it good after 2 was a simple matter of replacing only myself and their father in terms of resource consumption, but really it's because I know my own limitations. I have a set amount of patience and energy doled out to me each morning, and more than two kids would cause some spillage. Also, I don't personally believe in using siblings as part-time parents. I mean, sure, aside from the whole "overpopulation/draining resources" issue, big families can probably be fun, if done right - though I am in no way saying that I have any idea what 'right' looks like.
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| Seriously. What the fuck? Ew. |
I decided to do a tiny bit of research - I know...I hate it too. I found a blog which goes into all the joys of having a million kids and wearing long skirts for God or something. Anyway, I'm not here to pick on these people, but I did find something interesting, on which I developed a theory. The ages of their kids are 13, 12 (FOUR YEAR BREAK) 8, 6, 5, 3, 2 ,1(x2). Ummm, so here's my theory: Had a couple of kids, some years went by, these two looked at each other once the youngest was getting more independent and thought "oh shit, we have nothing to talk about! No diapers to change, no mashed peas up to scrub off the walls, no gibberish to translate...we'd better have another baby! Or seven!"
That's just my theory. What do I know?
Here's another thing - having kids is expensive! I only have two and already struggle with the whole 'food and clothing' thing. Luckily they have no desire whatsoever to do any sort of enrichment activities. No sports, no music lessons, none of that interests them - for the most part. My daughter started asking about ballet lessons a while ago, but there was really no way for me to swing them anyway. I opted to just distract her with my secret and impressive collection of toilet paper rolls for arts and crafts. She loves those things.
So if I can barely manage two kids, how do normal, not-rich people support, say...four. Or six. Or EIGHT?? And why, for the love of god, WHY?? I would love some input here. I have assumptions that I keep to myself - like they're trying to fill some void by constantly giving themselves the gift of sweet baby pure adoration and dependence; they're trying to do right what their parents did 'wrong' via their children; they're in a self-imposed competition with someone they're jealous of; they legitimately like children and want to have a big family because they love kids more than they love non genetically-modified food, or the idea of having a functioning planet to house them and theirs for centuries to come...and they know Wal Mart will always have their back, so why not?
I guess that's sounding a little judgy there, isn't it? I've been around some very loving, respectful, fun big families, where the siblings all get along and cooperate with one another and seem to really like each other. (Okay, I've only actually witnessed this once). But that doesn't mean I want to try to recreate that, or that I think they couldn't have achieved that same nirvana with about 4 or 5 less kids.
This one is going to keep me guessing, I can tell. I have nothing personally invested in this question, and I'm open to hearing your thoughts, if for no other reason than I'm curious and bored.
Wait. I'm bored...this gives me an idea....
People like to form tribes. They like being around people who think like them. And if you believe in an ideology that isn't very mainstream, you make your tribe with your uterus.
ReplyDelete"That's just my theory. What do I know?"
ReplyDeleteAnswer: Not nearly enough, you should have read more.
As for all your other preconceived notions and hysterical criticisms about global food shortages etc. you should be far more worried about the global elite and radical leftists who are having no children at all. The next generation will be completely void of anyone who thinks like you because, well, the way you think about children. I guess any food problem that may be coming will correct itself and the fittest will survive.
As for cost of children and extra activities, naturally getting private lessons from a Julliard grad is beyond our budget. However, our oldest children play and take violin lessons from a local college student who plays first chair in the local symphony. We are expanding our children's education while simultaneously supporting a local student. Not bad for a small minded bunch of religious zealots who don't know any better than to have a bunch of kids. Oh, and our oldest are also teaching themselves to play the piano in their spare time. It is true, we do not elect to spend time getting involved in competitive sports or other such things but then we don't have any mis-conceptions about their professional aspirations or college scholarships. On the other hand, all of our children read, write, speak, compute and reason well beyond their years and counterparts at the local public or private professional school. Luckily for you, when those children are sitting on their couches playing video games and watching the latest rendition of American Idol my children could be working in the local hospital saving lives or bringing them into the world. Maybe they will be a college professor or engineer or some other professional filling a societal need that will not..... can not be filled by this generations entertainment focused, under-educated, lacking any form of discipline waiting for someone to make them rich quick children. And the great thing is that because our children also receive a Biblical religious upbringing they will do all of this with a smile, a loving heart and likely with little or no thanks. Oh, and if they take on the highest calling there is for a human being on this glorious creation we call Earth, they will have families of their own of any size and experience the same heart swelling blessings that we have had and continue to have.
Johannah, we have never set out to form a tribe with friends or our children. It is true, we don't spend enormous amounts of time with people who don't think/believe like we do but that is primarily because they oppose it. If more people who think like you and the author do spent a little (more) time with people like us you might think differently than you do. For example, if your primary experience with children is with your one sibling or families at the local mall with their one or two children who cannot help but to be spoiled and self-centered than your view is very, very skewed. If there is one benefit to having a larger family it is in fact that they have better social skills and are far better "adjusted" than other children their age and sometimes four times their age. I have seen a great many people in the grocery check-out line who lack the level of skill with human interaction that our four year old has. Perhaps you are one who worries about socialization of children. We also share this worry. In fact we are very worried about socialization which is why we homeschool our children.
Perhaps my comment here is an over-reaction to a pot-shot of a blog post but you mentioned www.LargeFamiliesOnPurpose.com as an example of backwards, ill-informed and globally dangerous people and that had to be addressed.
Way to go Erika!! I couldn't agree more!
ReplyDeleteCouldn't have said it better!
DeleteI am completely NON-religious and am trying to conceive my 5th. I don't see what bible-thumping, skirt wearing, or Romney supporting (and I am Canadian btw, so I couldn't give a rats behind about him!) has anything to do with how many kids I have or want to have. It's called loving children.
ReplyDeleteSure, my older kids play with my younger ones, but it's choice, not cause I pawned the baby off on the older one saying here, take care of her. It's mom, can I teach her how to play xyz?
My kids don't feel the need to join expensive organized sports, they'd rather *play* and *have fun*. Not that my children don't have activities... French classes, yoga, book clubs, Scouts, swimming, ect... you know, stuff that may be useful as an adult.
While no, I don't plan to, or even WANT to have 9+ children like the blog poster that you spoke of above, or 19+ like the Duggars that you pictured above, I figure it's up to THEM, not ME how many kids they have. If they were "living off the system (like a lot of parents with only 1 or 2 children do), I may have something to say. But since both families mentioned above DON'T, who is anyone to say that what they've chosen is wrong. It's wrong for YOU to do, fine. But no one has the right to say that it is wrong for another family.
I find it horrifying that you, Ms. Janik, can so freely and unashamedly pick on and degrade people and families that you don't even have the pleasure of knowing! So they have more kids than would seem to be "normal" this day in age.... how is that affecting you personally? Do you realize that you are saying that their children past #3 would have been better off dead? Do you realize that you are worshiping the earth, this dirt we walk on, in the sense that you value it more than human life?? Do you realize, or even care, how cruel, bitter, and heartless that makes you seem? I am watching my words very carefully, and I am keeping my temper in a tight check. I am not going to become like you in giving into anger. HOWEVER, look at these families that you are so quick to knock around the block just for having more than three kids. What do they have in common? ONE, they are HAPPY! TWO, they are NOT a burden to society! The Duggars do not and have not EVER received government assistance for ANYTHING. They worked to earn their money, they built their home debt free BEFORE the reality show came into play, and they PAY THEIR TAXES! What is wrong with these families? How have they offended you, other than DARING to go against what YOU (who are you again...?)deem as acceptable living? I have MORE faith and hope in these beautiful God-fearing large families that teach their precious children to love one another and to care for each other than I would EVER have for your children, if they grow up to echo the UNPROVOKED bitterness and resentment that you have so callously spewed forth here today. So they have kids, WHO CARES? YOU aren't paying for them, feeding them, clothing them, educating them, etc, so why do you care?? I'd rather my children grow up in a world "overpopulated" with kind and serving people like them than to share a world with hateful spiteful people like you, at any rate.
ReplyDeletePeople never cease to amaze me. Ms. Janik, with all due respect, you need Jesus. http://jesus-is-lord.com/pastor.htm
I am raising two children at the moment, and my reproduction seems to have gone on hold. That is okay, I am loving every minute of my little boys' developement, and loving every single stage. My husband, who never wanted more than three, now wants a large (I mean HUGE) family because he enjoys being a father so much. I have always wanted a large family (I am the oldest in a passel of nine kids, and games are never so fun than when you have a ready army of friends living in your home!!!) but I enjoy the two.
ReplyDeleteI would also welcome as many more little ones as I can have. :D And as far as being loaded with money and toys, it is my firm belief that kids do better with less. Most people in my generation (raised with maybe a sibling or two) are absolutely spoiled rotten and expect to be given things, because their parents conditioned them to it. I had to work for stuff, and I have a better work ethic and appreciation for my things than most of "them".
My mom was a "poor" woman with many little ones and struggled to make ends meet but she homeschooled us with a passion and I was an eigth grade reading level at third grade...only a year after being pulled from school where I was struggling in the same subject.
I shared a room in a three bedroom single wide with four other siblings.
I didn't feel deprived, in fact the only thing I wished I had that I didnt was my own dog.
I would welcome a family as large as I could have, not for any altrusitic reasons but simply for the joy that I have experienced in a large family. On the other hand, if all I ever have are the two boys, I will be happy with that as well. I think two are harder than more anyways...with only two the littles don't have so many ready and willing playmates. :D
I love Erika's blog! I do not see eye to eye with her on everything, but we do share a love for God and children. You mentioned not understanding some things, but if you go back to her site and look around you will find answers to many of the things you are confused on. My husband and I are currently expecting our third child this November, and are very excited! While I do think everyone is a little crazy, I do not believe having our third child makes us crazy. My children are still young, so there is not much they are expected to do at this point beyond picking up toys, but as they grow they will be expected to help out around the house, in the form of chores. We will not expect our children to raise a younger sibling, help zip up a jacket, help tie a shoe, hold their hand, and other small things like that. I know that the responsibility of raising any children I have falls to the parents. We as parents hope to turn out hard working, considerate individuals who will contribute to our society. I hope you will return to her blog and read more of her posts, she has some wonderful resources and insight.
ReplyDeleteWe have four kids because we love children. We trust God to stretch us, not to break us. If we determined family size by what we could "handle," we would likely have no kids. I struggled with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome years before our oldest was born. I worked part-time, walked our dog, and played computer games, because that was all I had energy to do!
ReplyDeleteAfter our first was born, I struggled with a thyroid problem. Parenting was hard. Energy was lacking. My husband talked about more kids. I scoffed. My husband talked about homeschooling. I groaned.
Eventually, God brought me to a place of peace, where I could allow family size and responsibilities to increase gradually and trust that energy would increase to meet those needs. Today, we have an 8 year old, 5 year old, 3 year old, and baby. I homeschool during the day and work in the evenings as a tutor in ESL. I feel exhausted, yes, but tremendously blessed. I do not feel MORE exhausted than I did when I had NO kids and worked full time!
Oh, and my oldest LOVES her baby brother. At times I have to stop her from taking care of him too much (i.e., she wants to wake him from a nap so she can play with him, or she picks him up from the ground when he is practicing crawling).
At any rate, as I've told many a friend having or adopting their second, third, or fourth baby, "A sibling is truly a lifelong gift we give our children. We only have a limited window in which to give this gift."
Also, my sister is a third child. A girl born after our parents already had a girl and a boy. (I hate the so-popular idea that people keep having kids just to "get" a certain gender. We have girl, boy, girl, boy.) If my parents had followed the "two kids to replace us" theory, the world would have lost an amazing person--my sister, who has become my best friend.
This blog was actually quite humorous, though I don't think you meant it to be.... I'm sure you weren't trying to show just how little you understand about families who actually love children....
ReplyDeleteI know that people who use crude, vulgar language often have small minds that can't understand loftier ideals, especially something as spiritual as the idea of children being a blessing, not the burdens that you have claimed your own children to be.
I was going to write and mention the many advantages of parenting 8 children, which I have... all of them 2-3 years apart... spanning 19yrs... and how challenging, yet rewarding it has been, but I believe that you can't really comprehend it.
So, I will just say this.... you are right about one thing.... you don't know what you are missing....
I have 6 kids, ages 10 to infant. This came about basically because we couldn't find an effective form of birth control for the first three, and after that we realized we enjoy children!
ReplyDeleteThere are some things I wish I could afford to give my kids...I'd love to take them on ski trips, like I did growing up. I'd love to be able to fly them all to visit my family on a regular basis. We have participated in organized sports, but often it made family dinners, homework time, and bedtimes very difficult - it didn't contribute to our family, it took away.
As far as our impact on the environment, I would guess our family of 8 uses less energy than most families of 4 - less gas, less heat. I know we also make less trash than we did as a family of 4: we no longer by food packaged by the serving, such as instant oatmeal and granola bars - everything we buy has one VERY large package and that quantity lasts for months.
Our kids will grow up with this thrifty mindset and realize that fun comes from relationships, not more stuff.
I just asked my 10 year old what she likes about our family, and she said she likes having people to play with all the time and she likes being asked to help the littler ones (with school work, tying shoes, getting food)- she likes being looked up to.
My 8 year old also answered "I always have someone to play with" which is interesting because she didn't hear the 10 year old's answer, and we have never really talked about it. She also answered - "that way we have a large house and alot of food!" (we live in 1400 square feet)
When I was in high school, I never thought I would have even one child - I thought the world was too evil to bring children into. But I'm so glad I did, and I'm so glad for each one. It's really hard work. It's noisy and dirty. I'm not a super-organized, always calm mom. But having many kids has kept me home-focused in a way only 2 could not. My 2 oldest would have no MORE attention from me if I had less kids- I would be working outside of the home and busy until 5 or 6 pm, I'd be more able to afford fast food, so there would be no meals around the dinner table, we'd always be on the go. I'd be working out at the gym and sending them to friends' houses. The "enforced domesticity" required to raise a large family has really benefited our family greatly; it was a good idea, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
We have 6 kids because we LOVE kids! Just love them! Has nothing to do with resource consumption or how much it costs to raise them. I love their smiling faces and feel blessed that they are in my life. My 2 cents.
ReplyDeleteI am disappointed in this blog post as a whole. Not because I disagree with what was said (I do disagree, but it is not where the disappointment comes from). It stems rather from the fact that the writer seemed to form an opinion, and then proceed to ask questions, with literally having done no research whatsoever. At the very least, if you are going to question the motives of large families, read their blogs. Erika Shupe's blog, as well as my own and *many* others, explain perfectly why each and every one of us desire a large family. All of the questions are answered - if you spend about five minutes outside your comfort zone to read through the wealth of information provided so readily to you. And for your consideration, a lot of us have the same answer; we desire a large family because we view children differently than the writer of this blog apparently does. I do not view them as an inconvenience, a machine that wears out my patience from the start of the day, or a financial disadvantage. I view children as a blessing, a little piece of Christ's love for us, a mode of never-depleted laughter and happiness. When you begin to see children this way rather than as a burden, a large family begins to make sense.
ReplyDeleteNext time, don't just google and click the first search result. Spend about twenty minutes navigating the web before you post a blog that has several rude questions and assumptions that can be put to rest simply by a little reading.
I don't usually post this type of thing but you have earned it. You are an idiot and the world thanks you for not having more children.
ReplyDeleteThe rest of us will take our bright, beautiful, amazing children and live our life realizing that we know something you don't. (yes, I have four...I must have lost my mind, right?) I can only hope that by having this many amazing children, we will eventually rid the world of morons who think and act like you!
I am so so sorry that you are having such an awful time raising your two children. Don't worry though, they'll be grown up and gone soon and your life will be your own again.
ReplyDeleteIf this is how you feel about children then I think it's great that you stopped having them. I feel so bad for your children because they will grow up thinking that they are burdens to you. Shame on you!
ReplyDeleteWe have 12 kids. *gasp* Six of those twelve are in Heaven because I miscarried but they are still my children. They all have names. Each one of them are loved like they are the only one. My living kids range in age from 7 down to 2. I wouldn't have it any other way. I cannot wait to be blessed again with even more children.
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ReplyDeleteI'd also like to point out--> I admire Zindra's comment/answer...as she just kept it simple and to the point (on her view and what works for her) without bashing you as a person.
DeleteIm not sure what comments you were reading but clearly they were not here. There is no hate here, only rebuttal so that a poke at large families does not go unchallenged.
DeleteI just had this conversation with my Dr. She has 2 kids and she says she can't afford them, she asked how we afford our 6. I told her the truth, we are frugal. Very frugal. My husband makes what is considered poverty level. They attned a Christian school,and we shop at goodwill and I cook from scratch. You can afford what you want to afford. Do my kids have a DS? No! Do they have their own laptop? No! We enjoy our kids and know we are blessed by having them. We are rasiing our kids to be a blessing to those around them. They are not a burden to us. I am shocked and amazed how many people feel the need to tell me how they feel sorry for me for having so many kids, if front of my children, mind you! I don't think it is my business to go ask strangers if they are done having kids or what they are doing to make sure they don't have anymore! I don't judge people who "only" have 1 or 2. It is not my business!
ReplyDeleteour income is in line with the median income in our area and we have to be quite frugal in our spending. On the other hand, we dont allow that to keep us from working towards goals and being prepared for opportunities when they come. For our schooling, we have four computers and have had several other in the past that we used until every last keystroke and mouse click was squeezed out of them. Most every computer we have had has been a used computer that was going to be thrown out because the owner could not fix it and sending it out was going to cost a lot. We were able to get them for free and then clean them up and/or repair them cheaply ourselves. Most all of our furniture was bought used or gotten for free. We drive used cars that we paid cash for, we save cash all year for large expenses like Christmas and the Christian Heritage Homeschool conference trip we take. We are currently investing in LED lighting for our home which is not inexpensive. We save a little here and there and convert a room at a time. The lamps will supposedly last many, many years longer than normal bulbs, they use far less electricity and they are much cooler. The lights in the main living areas of our home are on most of the waking hours so heat and cost are issues for us. So far we have seen enough reduction in our electric bill that the bulbs we have installed so far will pay for themselves in about 1 year. They have a 5 year warranty but should last 10. Even if they fail early we will have saved money and if they fail early we will get a new one for free. I think this lends itself to the Christian "virtue" of conservation and being a good steward of all that we are given but we are in no way what anyone would consider "green".
DeleteAll that to say, you don't have to earn lots of money to have a "good" life. Wealth is about time and money management not income. If you have not read the book "The Millionaire Next Door", you might consider it. We are not advocates for chasing dollars but this book is very informative about who actually has net worth in the world and who doesn't and why.
I totally agree with you, Erika! I love your site and it truly is an inspiration to me! Thanks for always pointing us back to Christ! I cleared out so much unneeded clutter out of our house after taking your house tour via your blog! Thanks for the suggestion on the book, I will look into it!
DeleteHi Erika. *Clearly*, the comments speak for themselves. Please do not question my intelligence...I can read them all just fine ;)
ReplyDeleteIm sure you are quite intelligent, that was not my question. I would humbly submit that you are reading into the comments emotions that are not there.
Delete:O) *giggle* nope...just reading what they say. No emotion here. Not sure why you think nasty comments like "you are an idiot", "morons like you"...and "people who actually love children" (just to quote a few) don't seem the least bit hateful and spiteful to you. Not much to read into.
ReplyDeleteCamille - I think Ms. Janik has made it very clear that she is not intentionally using her body/mind/soul to better serve God.
ReplyDeleteAnd let's not forget Ms. Janik, if God wanted you to have another baby, you would. People forget that they don't have as much control as they think they do. Even crazier, God could change your decided heart, and you would even enjoy it. I will pray for you today. I know most of these women will because it is what we know to be right, and it is what we will teach our children, however many that may be.
God is deciding if she has more kids? Really? So people who want desperately to have them and can't conceive... that is because God doesn't want them to? It's called birth control.
DeleteHey Krista...you don't know her heart. Instead of delivering a spirit of haughtiness, we believers should be showing compassion and gentleness. You know nothing of what she has been through.
ReplyDelete~~~~~Proverbs 16:18~~~~~
"I don't know what because I'm not religious and don't have time to go read the bible right now. (I assume its votes they're after - the only support I'm seeing being thrown toward that reknob Romney are from the nutty-faithful people I'm sort of acquainted with)."
DeleteForgive me for making assumptions.
We have 7 because we like them. They are lovely little people who add to our everyday experiences. The negative comments... Is it ignorance? Do all people who are different deserve judging in this way? People are allowed to be different, it's ok!
ReplyDeleteAmen, Sister Janik. I LOVE this post.
ReplyDeleteBig-familied folks: please stop patting yourselves on the back for your lack of dependency on the state. Though none of you may be receiving food stamps or welfare checks, I'm sure each of you receive tax deductions for your dependent children and would scream bloody murder to your senators if those benefits were threatened. And how will you send your kids to college if the feds weren't subsidizing student loans to the tune of billions per year? I could go on and on about the infinite ways tax money makes our food, homes, clothing, and fuel artificially cheaper, even for tax-loathing conservatives. The bottom line is that more children means more stress on the state. Therefore, couples who produce lots of kids should pay lots more in taxes, not less. Period. The only folks who should receive tax breaks for dependent children are those who adopt, another very Christian way to have a large family.
Keep ranting, Amanda!
Second this!
Delete"The bottom line is that more children means more stress on the state."
DeleteOr perhaps all those children grow up to be hard-working taxpayers who broaden the tax base and lessen the burden on each of us.
Good point accoyle! Adoption is honorable .....James 1:27
ReplyDeleteErika writes:
ReplyDelete"For example, if your primary experience with children is with your one sibling or families at the local mall with their one or two children who cannot help but to be spoiled and self-centered than your view is very, very skewed. If there is one benefit to having a larger family it is in fact that they have better social skills and are far better "adjusted" than other children their age and sometimes four times their age. I have seen a great many people in the grocery check-out line who lack the level of skill with human interaction that our four year old has."
Wow. These statements are not only inaccurate and judgmental, but they are downright mean. I raised an only child who was neither spoiled or self-centered and who as an adult is a kind, giving and functioning member of society. Imagine that! I am not going to share with you, whether it was by choice or not, as to why I had only one child because it shouldn't matter.
Further, do you always compare your four-year old child to strangers in the grocery store that you know nothing about?
To each his or her own:) Truly. How blessed we are to live in a country where you can blog your thoughts:) I do the same.....
ReplyDeleteI have one of those families you vent about. Although mine come via adoption. All "hard to place" domestic adoptions and all sibling groups needing a family. I am not over populating the world because they were already here...I just relocated a few.
Some motives are not good and some are ....such is life. I know people who, like you, have two children and should never have had one.
I tell my kids all the time, there are things in this world I cannot fathom. The very idea that brain surgery is possible and successful is rediculous, but it happens every day by people with skills I do not possess. The same is true of families. Some people have skills I do not have....I cannot imagine parenting disabled children (cannot imagine the life-time commitement), but incredible people do it every single day.
How blessed you are to live the life you choose. THAT is a blessing.
As a dairy farmers wife (yes, I did read this blog) a mother of 11 children on earth and 3 in heaven, I'm shaking my head. I hesitated to reply but some of you actually think that our tax breaks really help??? OMG, you have no clue. As for our family we raise our own food, I cook from scratch, we are very thrifty. My mother in law (mother of 7) told me once that God doesn't give you anything you can't handle.
ReplyDelete"What do I know?"
ReplyDeleteYou said it.
I see you don't understand the blessing of children and that is fine for you. I find it interesting that those of us who have large families through adoption have the approval of the left. But have them ourselves and we are considered freaks.
I'm thinking you were looking for more visits to your blog. I hope you are up for them.
BTW Camille: Erika did not make any of those comments referenced to be nasty above. Please read what the comments actually say and who wrote them before accusing.
"FREAK" from OR
BTW Kris, I was specifying all of the comments...not just Erika's. She just happened to be the one responding to me--AND saying none of the comments she saw were being hateful, not just implying her own. So yea, I was not accusing anyone---just stating a fact about the majority of hateful replies that were clearly seen by everyone :O) So please don't get what I said twisted for the sake of saving face. Thanks.
DeleteMost of the comments here have been simple rebuttals. I saw merely one or two pro-family comments that were inappropriate. Kris
DeleteThat's nice.
DeleteI was appalled by this blog post. I fully respect your choice not to have a large family. Maybe you should practice similar tolerance. I am not religious and have adopted 4 children and I am fostering to adopt two more. Anything you want to say about my choices? Do they annoy you or cause you endless confusion? I would imagine my life choices would be completely out of your frame of reference so don't bother. The happiness I have found with my family doesn't need to be justified to you!
ReplyDeleteIs the author a liberal feminist who believes in choice for all women? If so, why is it that choice is okay except when you choose to have children (however many you like)and stay home to raise them yourself?
ReplyDeleteI think I can see who has the tolerance here and who does not.
It's too bad we cannot unite as women instead of nit-picking each other's choices, isn't it?
I have 5 kids. My 5th was born 3 weeks after my oldest's 7th birthday and is now almost 9 months. So according to you, I've lost my mind. I'm a crazy nut. But that's ok. I'm used to being thought of as crazy, and it really doesn't bother me. The world would be a boring place if we all thought the same way, enjoyed the same things, and did things the same way. I love my kids! I can't imagine life without them, or without my 4th and 5th. They're so incredibly sweet! The older 3 love them to pieces and can't wait for our next baby (to them it's a given that there will be a next one, lol). We don't have our babies for the sake of making a tribe that believes like us. We have them because we love them and don't want to prevent something that we love. Others love our kids, too. Any time we travel, and often when out and about in our area, people comment about how well-behaved our kids are or how nice it is to see a larger family who love each other and radiate their joy. We live below poverty level, but it doesn't feel like it. We have good meat in the freezer (and named, too--and we know what went into them), fresh produce either from our garden or the co-op we're with, buckets of whole grain from a local farmer, fresh milk from a local raw jersey dairy farmer, fresh eggs from our hens, clothes passed down from other families (or $1 rack at Walmart, or Goodwill, or made by me). We have a house, an acre of land, animals, a garden, a vehicle, and so much more. My kids do work, and help run the household more smoothly--and they love it! They love washing dishes, loading and unloading the washer and dryer, feeding the baby, fixing food, sweeping, vacuuming, playing with the littles, etc. Best of all, though, I have children and a husband I love and who love each other and me back. And since I homeschool, I don't have to give other people my kids for the bulk of their childhood.
ReplyDeleteI have a BiG Family and I Love IT! My life is Great , my husband's life is great and our Kids' life, well they are living it up too and are waiting on the next baby! We Live in a beautiful spacious 5 Bedroom Home on the breathtaking Island of Oahu, just outside the bustle of Honolulu :D. We have 4 bio kids ages and we foster. let me tell you a few "Perks" my children receive by being a part of our large family.I mean besides living in a large house in a Tropical Paridise, surrounded by LoVe ; My babies have been loved since conception! Nurtured with my Organic and Whole Foods Diet ;) , I hate bust your bubble, but nobody in this family eats processed or GMO food, we are members of several food co-ops here :) and I make our own cheeses and yogurts and keifers, from a raw milk in a milk-share. I start my babies on a good nutrition before birth and continue it , because it's the gift of Health . After an All Natural / All Peaceful Home Water Birth, my children receive the comfort of on-demand extended-Breastfeeding and baby-led weaning, as they will, strait to tablefood during their 2nd year, though they continue nursing. My babies enjoy the benefits of Bed-sharing, I also Cloth-Diaper and baby-wear. I don't vaccinate or do well baby visits, I don't real "do" big medicine except for emergencies preceding to treat with herbs and simples here at home.As my children get older , they HomeSchool, meaning we have the freedom to enjoy impromptu Beach trips, to snorkel Haumanuka Bay, or Malakapu'u Tide pools, to hike to Waimea falls or Manoa Falls, The possibilities are nearly endless ;) My children are Envolved with some extra activies Surfing and Hula.Our Life is Full and very Happy , of course We want to Share it! Their is Plenty of Love to go around, We can't wait for Our Next Blessing , ... And neither can Our "current" Children, (Maybe Big Hearts run in the Family ;) Now, I must address this "Killing the Planet" thing you think All Big Families do, because you are so Rightously small carbon footed Bless your Heart , You're Wrong .Let's take a little look at my Family. Our Spacious Home ---- Powered by Solar Panels .Our Organic / whole-food / Raw farm to table diet means--- we do not contribute to the poisoning of the planet by GMO or Industrial-Agiculture!Our way of Baby raising : Needs no Hospitals, No Babies-R-Us, ( no cribs, or Other baby trappings) with a Homebirth , and bedsharing and baby wearing , you just don't need to BUY much, so we aren't consuming !Our way of living is about People , Not acquiring things, (( We don't do "Stuff")) , most of it leaches toxins anyway, so why surround your self with cancer causing Junk?My Breastfeeding , not only saves the planet from Abbot INC. ( and Nestle) and thier formulas, It saves my Children , a future of heart disease and Diabetes , and the Medical Crappola that goes with it.Our Cloth Diapering saves the planet 8 metric Tons of landfil Waste Per year Per baby! , disposable Diapers take over 500 years to dispose ! I also make and sell Cloth diapers @ BeachBumsClothDiapers, every baby should enjoy the softness and Non-chemical/dioxin filled greatness of cloth, and I am out to convert folks! Our diet of both whole foods and low consumerism , doenst make much trash, but what we do end up with at the end of the week ,( maybe 2 bags ) , gets sorted in to Recyclables , it's not bad because the food has already been separated out for a friends Chickens ( a nice investment in farm fresh eggs). After my children raid our Bin , they hit up the neighbors for thier weekly recyclables, being that Hawaii has a 5 cent bottle deposit, my children gladly offer to unburden neighbors of the trip to the HI-5 Depot. We also make a point to teach our children Good Earth stewardship By getting Envolved in frequent Beach Clean-ups, especially beaches where our favorite endangered animals live, Green Sea turtles and monk seals. Peace Be With You
ReplyDelete(Note: there might be a break in the family's births due to miscarriage rather than by design.)
ReplyDeleteBeing from a big family, we would have loved to have a dozen; were only blessed with four. Growing up with so many siblings generally makes a person better at understanding the differences in the world. Our "rough edges" have been smoothed thousands of times, and we tend to be more tolerant of other people. We know that people are good at different things, and that every one of us has flaws. Being from a big family, you accept that.
As an adult, some of my ten siblings are my best friends. We are all different, and those differences mean that I can call on each one of them for help when I need it. From the physicist to the pilot to the mom to everyone between, no matter what I need, somebody can help. When someone falls on hard times, we don't look to the taxpayers for support, but to each other. We have a built-in cheering section, a stable support system, and people who love us no matter what.
I can't think of anything better to give your children than siblings.
P.S. Three is the most difficult number of children to have because someone is always left out. The noise level doesn't increase after five.
Amanda, I replied to your blog post on my blog: http://www.mattbeaven.com/2012/05/28/the-how-why-of-large-families/
ReplyDeleteWhat I don't understand is the judgement behind the post that was made. I don't judge you with your family of two children. In fact good for you that you had the family the size that you wanted. Good for you for believing in what you believe. Why not save the judgement for something else.
ReplyDeleteI chose to have five children (well actually I chose to have four children, I was blessed with the fifth one when my fourth turned out to be twins). My husband and I who are both college educated and not very religious by the way, sat down before we got married and decided what size family we wanted. I came from a family of five, he came from a family of only two and we both decided we'd be happy with four and enjoy four children. We knew we would make sacrifices but we felt they were worth it because it was the family we decided on. Of course we had an unplanned and unexpected very happy surprise of our fifth child with the twins but we still make it work. I stay home with them but plan to go back to work when all are in school. My older three all play sports and my younger two will participate in what they want to do when they're older as well. We make it work because we want to make it work.
I would never tell you how to parent, I would never tell you how many children to have, or who to marry, who to vote for president, what kind of food to eat, what kind of car to drive or any other important decision that should either be made by yourself or between you and your husband. So why question or judge the decision I made for myself? If you don't understand then ask, but don't judge. Judging people for the decisions they make in their life is one of the biggest problems this country has!
Curse you for having an opinion and airing it out on your own personal blog!!!
ReplyDeleteIf you want a big family, that's wonderful. Please adopt.
ReplyDeleteI have a question for all the breeding larg families (as opposed to the adoptive ones): How many people do you think the earth should have to sustain?
ReplyDeleteI'd also like to point out a scientific fact. Over the last 200 years the human race has expanded at an exponential rate, and a scary one at that. Look at the graph- it's online and documented in many studies. We number above 7,048,000,000 and growing by the second (look at the population clock, it's also online).
The last thought I want to leave you with is this: if the human race was any other species on the planet- be it flora or fauna- at the rate we are growing we (the human race) would have taken steps to cull our numbers or eradicate us by now. What makes us think we have the right to breed unchecked at such a rate?
All the emotions in the comments from big family mamas sound very defensive. Look, if you're comfortable and secure with your choice to have a baker's dozen, then why do you feel the need to defend yourself to strangers on the internet?
ReplyDeleteI myself have 4. I have no urge to tell the blogger she's an idiot/moron, accuse her of not loving children, or say I feel so