Me: Shhhhhhh. I just got the boys to go down.
Erin: Oh sorry. Both of them? Nice.
Me: I know. It wasn't easy.
Erin: What is that?
Me: Hmm, what?
Me: This? Oh....it's nothing.
Erin: Is that booze?
Me: Yes. I was drinking. I'm drunk.
Erin: What's with the decanter.......and the rag?
Me: It's actually a kind of vapo-rub type thing.
Me: Totally. Finn had a cough. I got it at the apothecary.
Me: I love you.
Erin: What is it really?
Me: It's nothing. Are you hungry? I'm hungry.
Erin: Let me see it
Me: GOOD GOD DON'T SMELL IT!!!!
Erin: What the fuck!?
Me: Nothing. It's just kinda stinky. How about a sandwich?
That was the exact exchange between Erin and I that didn't happen. I'm a really shitty actor apparently. Instead she just looked at me holding the rag and bottle that I'd swiped from work just for the purpose of this shtick, ignored my caught-red-handed-making-the-boys-nap-by-using-chloroform performance/pantomime, and just said, "Nice bottle. Can you get the rest of the groceries?". If we ever divorce the reason I'll cite will be that she never plays along and is a big jerk.