Wednesday, February 15, 2012

The Elephant in the Room

Yesterday was Valentine's Day, which means today everyone is nursing their 'Sweet Love Hangover' and aching from their under-served naughty parts.  I too had a magical evening at home caring for my two sick boys while Erin went out with her mother, leaving me this morning with the smug satisfaction of having had a good night's sleep coupled with the bitter resentment of having missed out on 'the party'.  That stupid Hallmark Holiday got me thinking about love and it's many forms.  Eventually this got me thinking about the one BIG QUESTION everyone's been asking, "What's up with the obvious sexual tension between Mike and Amanda?" (no one is asking that)  I figured it's about time I addressed this issue.  Yes, I love Amanda.  Very dearly.  If she died I'd be super-bummed, and not just because I'd have to rename the blog.  She is a wonderful friend, a great mom, and a fantastic drunk.  However, we have not been, nor will we ever be, more than just platonic pals.*

*Obviously this excludes any consensual group-sex scenario

What makes me so certain our relationship will likely earn a 'G' rating for all eternity?  Well there are a few key contributors to my certainty.  One is that I'm married and Amanda is not a home-wrecker.  Another is that I've gotten this far in life without 'the herp' and I'd like to keep it that way.  But the main reason is that we talk frankly about how we feel toward one another so there are no mixed messages or surprises.  Why just yesterday, on Valentine's Day, we were discussing that very thing:

So it's not as innocent as "brother/sister" love but it's pretty close.  Call it "frumpy first-cousins" love.  As you can see Amanda's dried-beef heart belongs to someone else these days and mine has been devoted, for many years, to a sexy, brilliant wife who's crazy about me, particularly when I write nice things about her on this blog.

Besides if we went there it would mean disaster for our fan(s?).  In the history of entertainment the collapse of sexual tension leads to certain ruination.  Remember how great 'Moonlighting' was before David and Maddie hooked up?  I know, it's painful for me to go there too, but those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.  What about Sam and Diane, Jim and Pam, Ross and Rachel, and don't get me started on Mulder and Scully.  Just don't.  We're doing you a favor by not....doing favors to each other.  You're welcome & we love you.

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