Friday, February 3, 2012
Today I zoned out for a few minutes. I can always tell when it's time to come back, because I hear the Question Tone come into her voice. She was asking me to promise.
"I promise sweetie."
"Forever and Ever?"
"Yes of course!"
"Do we have a deal?"
"Okay, fank you mommy!" And then an excited squeal "I can't wait!!"
Uh oh. I am so fucked. What was she asking for? Hopefully it was something easy like some new headbands or a fifth of Jack Daniels as opposed to, say, a baby brother. Oh my god. What if she asked for a baby brother again? How am I going to pull that off?! I mean, I just PINKY PROMISED this girl I would deliver on...whatever it was she was going on and on about just moments earlier.
I don't feel too bad about checking out when she talks. During a visit a few years ago, my childless friend Nayt spent some time listening to a young Jonah talk for an hour about whatever his current obsession was. Afterward, Nayt told me that as a kid, he hated it when adults would give him the "uh huh...uh huh...hmmm! Wow, uh huh" schpeel when he was talking about something that excited him. He could tell they were just humoring him, and it pissed him off. Now however, he could completely see why it happened - one simply could not hang in there in a mostly one-sided conversation about the things kids are passionate about and adults could pretty much care less about for more than three minutes, tops.
I spent some time trying to piece together the amount of damage I was about to get myself in to. I only recently got my pre-kids body back, and the idea of growing a human inside me again makes me vomit in my mouth a little bit. Plus, I don't think my man would be all that into the idea. I can just see that conversation now...between him and Evie.
"Mama promised me a baby brother!"
"Oh did she?"
"Yes! I'm so EXCITED!"
"Well. I don't know. Wouldn't you rather have a new doll or something?"
"No! I get a baby brother!"
"I don't know kiddo. That's kind of a big deal, don't you think?"
"She pinky promised me!"
"Oh. Well, shit."
I hope I kept my old fat pants, just in case.