Monday, March 26, 2012


This past Friday I was at work combating another sleepless night coupled with a head cold by drinking near-lethal doses of coffee and for some reason I started imagining myself with a big green helium balloon for a head and got so freaked out I had to go sit alone in the bathroom for ten minutes.  That's when I got to thinking that there really has to be a better way to deal with my parental workload.  I've been pretty smug til now about the ease with which I've taken on this "daddy" gig.  I've scoffed at these people who bemoan the agony of parenthood thinking "quit your BITCHING people, this is 100 percent full-time awesomeness!!"  But now I have to concede it's more like 85 to 90 percent awesomeness some days.  Still a B+ totally, but no gold star.

I kind of saw this coming.  Having one kid is kind of a piece of cake.  It's a lot of work to be sure but completely manageable.  Having two has been logarithmically more challenging.  I couldn't have anticipated exactly how challenging it was going to be but the words "a toddler and a newborn" didn't sound like your proverbial picnic.  It hasn't been, but of course I still love* it.  I've skated by so far because Finn's needs have been pretty basic (boobs and sleep) but now my cabroncito is coming up on six months and he's moving beyond what a friend of mine described as the "pillow with eyes" phase.  He's getting himself some proper needs.

For example this weekend Finn's teething didn't have him crying all night, just every two and a half hours.  At one point (I think it was Saturday evening, but it might have been just 7 hours ago) Erin had gone quietly insane with frustration after coming back to bed to find that the cold I'd earned as a result of not sleeping enough on these cold rainy days, had me snoring.  Loud.  She calmly asked if she should sleep somewhere else (subtext: to keep from smothering you in your sleep) to which I responded by gathering up my pillow and heading to the guest bed.  The guest bed of course is located in Liam's room which works out if your guest is a ninja.  I am, so I made my way across the room and under the covers in perfect silence and avoided announcing my arrival.  Unfortunately the broccoli, cauliflower, and cheese soup Erin had made for dinner did the announcing for me.  Liam was THRILLED to find that his favourite playmate was going to be spending the night in his room since he'd really not played enough that day due to the cold rainy weather.  Mind you, this was the weekEND.

I swear they look like they're plotting
During the weekDAYS I can squeeze in work, commuting, three square meals, the gym, some rudimentary personal hygiene, and 5.7 hours of sleep when all goes well.  If I run into any obstacles during the day then the list gets trimmed back a bit.  Now I know what you're thinking, "The gym? Wow. Despite an arduous schedule of feeding, clothing, bathing, and entertaining a baby and a toddler, on top of the regular challenges of modern life, you're so committed to personal fitness you still go to the gym?  Go you!"  No.  I go because they have daycare and T.V.  Period.  Because you need little breaks like that.  You need to talk to friends, have a drink, watch a movie, and god willing maybe even have a little "adult cuddle time" for mommy and daddy.  NEED!

I have to admit it's affecting my work.  I catch myself doing things like staring blankly at door knobs and saying smart things like, "I'm sorry, I thought today was yesterday".  Most of my co-workers are parents so they empathize, but then again most of them are Latino so they're thinking "dos niƱos? psh!"  I know there are books that teach you how to be a good parent and manage your time effectively, but when am I going to read those?  I haven't even read The Hunger Games yet!  I think for now I'll just rearrange my "gym" time to coincide with reruns of The Cosby Show.


  1. Dude -hilarious, as always. You have my sympathies. You will survive, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I made it, you can too (others please note, it helps to wear a crown sometimes to bolster your confidence, and few besides Mike and I are so qualified so the rest of you may be screwed).

    In the meantime, I would love to take Liam off you hands sometime to lighten your load now and then. Let's set it up.